Milk Milk Lemonade » sex

Sex and math

admin — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:48:38 +0000

Math is like sex: Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!

Submitted by Chris R – grade school around 1979-1984 in Reston, VA

Eat me bite me blow me

admin — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 06:14:54 +0000

Eat me bite me blow me
suck me fuck me very slowly
If you want me don’t be hasty
Lick your lips and make me tasty

Jessica

Man Named Jed

admin — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 06:02:32 +0000

Warning: This contains a racial slur which was meant to infer Jed’s racist mentality and hillbilly ignorance.

Well, lemme’ tell ya story
’bout a man named Jed
Born a motherfucker
with a rubber on his head

Then one day
When he was shootin’
at some “Jews” (or “spooks”)
Out from the barn comes Elly May nude
Nude that is, no clothes on

Next thing ya know
Old Jed’s sittin’ there
Suckin’ on her tits
and pullin’ on her hair

Down goes the zipper
and out comes the worm
Out from the worm
Cums a bubblin’ sperm
Sperm that is, wet dream

~Buffalo Grove, IL

Dirty old Army cadences

admin — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 10:18:58 +0000

Learned these from a retired Army dude.

See that girl up on the hill?
She won’t do it, but her sister will.

See that girl all dressed in black?
She makes her livin’ layin’ on her back.

See that girl all dressed in pink?
She done made my finger stink.

She that girl all dressed in yella?
I hate to tell ya’, but she’s really a fella.

SOUND OFF…

-Rod Brock

Man named Jed

admin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:00:21 +0000

Oh let me tell you a story about a man named Jed
Took Mary Ellen and threw her on the bed
Zipped down his pants, out came the worm
Into her cunt went the bubbly sperm

There is more to this one, I think, something about granny showing a two by four or something up Jed’s ass … the punch line is “Sideways, that is…”

-Trent Eades, Great Falls, MT
Circa early to mid 70s I guess

Jack and Jill

admin — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:00:45 +0000

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high undid his fly and asked Jill if she wanna,
Jill said yes tore off her dress and they had some fun.
Silly Jill forgot her Pill and now they have a son.
-Jason, Canada

Down by the cherry tree

admin — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 17:00:51 +0000

Let’s start the new year with an exceptionally dirty rhyme.

Down by the cherry tree,
that’s where she showed it to me,
it was black, hairy, had a big crack,
and it looked like a jungle to me.

So I whipped out my hairy banana,
shoved it up her crack,
she let out a big scream,
then I filled it with whip cream.

-S D
Circa 1980s

Poor Pistol Paul Pete

admin — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:34:18 +0000

Down the road came pistol paul pete
20 pounds of swinging meat

down the road came mary brown
she swore no man could lay her down

pistol paul pete got her in the grass
stuck his peter up her ass

mary brown let a fart
blew his peter half apart

down the road came pistol paul pete
20 pounds of shreded meat

Submitted by Kathie

Girls who sit like this…

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 10:18:43 +0000

Learned it in adulthood from my fiancee, actually, in Madison, WI.

Good girls sit like this (fingers crossed, pointed down)
Bad girls sit like this (fingers closed, side-by-side, pointed down)
And girls who sit like this (fingers apart, pointed down)
get this (middle finger up)
like that (snap fingers)

Kyle
Madison

A man’s obligation

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:08:08 +0000

It’s a man’s obligation
To stick his boneration
In a woman’s separation.
This sort of penetration
Will increase the population
Of the younger generation.
-Jack, Staten Island, New York