Milk Milk Lemonade » pee

Old McDonald and his other monkey wrench

admin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 19:20:08 +0000

Old McDonald sittin’ on a fence
Pickin’ his dick with a monkey wrench
Wrench got hot
Burnt his balls
Pissed all over his overalls
If I die
Bury me
Hang my balls on a cherry tree
If they fall
Send them back
Send them back to Radio Shack!

Shana
San Mateo, CA circa 1989

Wee Wee Tot

admin — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 17:00:11 +0000

When I was a wee wee tot
they took me from my warm warm cot
and sat me on a cold cold pot
and made me wee wee
whether I could or not

-Beth, Philadelphia

The Old Lady

admin — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 17:00:09 +0000

An elderly relative used to sing this when she was doing her housework, and as a kid I just picked it up deriving much pleasure from it across the years. That was in Bellingham, Washington, U.S.A

The old lady went upstairs to get some gin
She fell in the piss-pot, up to her chin
Well, she couldn’t swim and she couldn’t float
Then she felt those turds a-runnin’ down her throat
Well, she whooped and she hollered and she shit on the floor
And wipe her ass, her big old ass, on the knob of the door.
-Anon, Bellingham, WA

Old McDonald can’t catch a break

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:14:04 +0000

Old McDonald, sittin’ on a fence
Beatin’ his meat with a monkey wrench
Missed his dick and hit his balls
Blood all over his overalls
also

Old McDonald sittin on a fence, picked his balls with a monkey wrench.
Wrench got hot and burned his balls, pissed all over his overalls.
Went to the Doctor and the doctor said, sorry Fred your balls are dead.
-Simon Chan

Goodies from the UK

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:02:50 +0000

some of these are gloriously rude!

(to the tune of my bonnie lies over the ocean)

my 1-skin lies over my 2-skin,
my 2-skin lies over my 3
my 3-skin lies over my foreskin,
so pull back my foreskin for me.

pull back, pull back,
pull back my foreskin for me, for me
pull back, pull back,
oh pull back my foreskin for me.

—–

there was an engineer before he died,
whose wife was never satisfied.
so he built a great big wheel,
2 balls of brass and a prick of steel.

round and round went the great big wheel,
in and out went the prick of steel.
‘ til the balls of brass were filled with cream,
and the whole fucking lot was driven by steam.

‘ enough enough ‘ the maiden cried,
‘ at last , at last , i’m satisfied ‘
but now we come to the bit of it !
there was no way of stopping it !
the maiden was ripped from arse to tit
and the whole fucking lot was covered in shit.

—–

whirly whirly custard,
snot and bogey pie,
all mixed up with a dead dog’s eye.
spread it on bread,
spread it on thick,
then wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

a bit rude, but hey we were 10 years old..and we had heard it all before.

—–

mary had a little lamb,
she couldn’t stop it grunting.
she took it down the garden path
and kicked its little cunt in.

—–

captain cook, slung his hook,
floating down the river.
he caught his cock on a jagged rock,
and it made his arsehole quiver.

—–

there was an old woman from ealing,
who had a peculiar feeling.
she laid on her back , opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling

—–

she was only a fishmonger’s daughter,
but she laid on her back and said ‘fillet’

—–

she was only a mechanic’s daughter,
but the nut that screwed her, bolted!

-bill greg, ashford, uk

If it’s yellow, let it mellow

admin — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 11:58:07 +0000

If it’s yellow let it mellow,
If it’s brown flush it down.
-Justin V.H., Cottage Grove, MN