Milk Milk Lemonade » farts

Old Wisdom

admin — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:46:15 +0000

A horse that farts will never tire, the man that farts is the man to hire.

Submitted by Johnny

Musical Fruit

admin — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 08:28:40 +0000

Beans, beans the musical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel.
So let’s have beans for every meal.

Spokane, Washington back in the 70’s, Leann, Washington:

Yo Mama

admin — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:00:23 +0000

Ain’t yo mama pretty
She got meatballs on her titties
She got bacon and eggs between her legs
Oh, ain’t yo mama pretty

I took her to a party
She turned around and farted
I asked her why she did it
She turned around and shitted

-Katie Gentry, Green Bay, WI
Circa My mom taught me this when I was 7

The Old Grey Mare

admin — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 17:00:22 +0000

Ohhhhhhh…the old grey mare she [fart sound] on the wiffle-tree
[fart sound] on the wiffle-tree, [fart sound] on the wiffle tree
The old grey mare she [fart sound] on the whiffle tree
Many long years ago.

(”Wiffle Tree” is a name for the part of the wagon that you hook the horses up to)
-Anon, Bellingham, WA

Farts

admin — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 17:00:57 +0000

Excuse me for that burp,
it wasn’t very smart,
but if it’d come out the other end
it would have been a fart
-Milena, Ontario

Meatball titties

admin — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 01:52:42 +0000

Ain’t your mama pretty,
she got meatballs on her titty.
I took her to a party,
she turned around and farted.
I asked her why she did it,
she turned around and shitted.

Dan B. Wyoming – Around 1984

Poor Pistol Paul Pete

admin — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:34:18 +0000

Down the road came pistol paul pete
20 pounds of swinging meat

down the road came mary brown
she swore no man could lay her down

pistol paul pete got her in the grass
stuck his peter up her ass

mary brown let a fart
blew his peter half apart

down the road came pistol paul pete
20 pounds of shreded meat

Submitted by Kathie

Diarrhea song on youtube

admin — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 09:06:13 +0000

Animated version of Diarrhea.

Supersonic Fart

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 10:13:30 +0000

I was drivin down the highway, Highway 84,
’til Harold let a big one and blew me out the door.
The wheels couldn’t take it,
The engine fell apart,
All because of Harold’s supersonic fart!
-Wormy, Florida

granny and grampy get in on the action

admin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:12:00 +0000

From my Grandparents on my Mom’s side…

From “Grampy” Martin:

The fly flew into the grocery store
singing doe-si-doe-si-doe
he flew right through the open door
singing doe-si-doe-si-doe
well he shit on the sugar and he shit on the ham
and he shit all over that grocery man
And then the fly flew out of the grocerey store
singing doe-si-doe-si-doe

Not to be outdone, when my Grandmother heard him singing that song to me, she told me a little rhyme of her own.

From “Granny” Martin:

Mrs. Nichols bought some pickles
on a windy day
but Annie Martin came a fartin’
and blew them all away

Two things about my Grandmother’s poem really impressed me (I was like 8 at the time)

* My Grandmother wasn’t someone that you would expect to know a dirty rhyme, let alone tell one to a kid, and…
* Her name was Anne, or “Annie” if you will. I always wondered about where that rhyme came from.

-Matt Rosemier from Edible Dirt