(to the tune of my bonnie lies over the ocean)

my 1-skin lies over my 2-skin,
my 2-skin lies over my 3
my 3-skin lies over my foreskin,
so pull back my foreskin for me.

pull back, pull back,
pull back my foreskin for me, for me
pull back, pull back,
oh pull back my foreskin for me.

—–

there was an engineer before he died,
whose wife was never satisfied.
so he built a great big wheel,
2 balls of brass and a prick of steel.

round and round went the great big wheel,
in and out went the prick of steel.
‘ til the balls of brass were filled with cream,
and the whole fucking lot was driven by steam.

‘ enough enough ‘ the maiden cried,
‘ at last , at last , i’m satisfied ‘
but now we come to the bit of it !
there was no way of stopping it !
the maiden was ripped from arse to tit
and the whole fucking lot was covered in shit.

—–

whirly whirly custard,
snot and bogey pie,
all mixed up with a dead dog’s eye.
spread it on bread,
spread it on thick,
then wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

a bit rude, but hey we were 10 years old..and we had heard it all before.

—–

mary had a little lamb,
she couldn’t stop it grunting.
she took it down the garden path
and kicked its little cunt in.

—–

captain cook, slung his hook,
floating down the river.
he caught his cock on a jagged rock,
and it made his arsehole quiver.

—–

there was an old woman from ealing,
who had a peculiar feeling.
she laid on her back , opened her crack
and pissed all over the ceiling

—–

she was only a fishmonger’s daughter,
but she laid on her back and said ‘fillet’

—–

she was only a mechanic’s daughter,
but the nut that screwed her, bolted!

-bill greg, ashford, uk