Milk Milk Lemonade

Ugly

admin — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 17:00:59 +0000

U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi you ugly what what you ugly
M-A-M-A How you think you got that way yo mama what what yo mama
-Laurence Holliman, Mound Bayou, MS
Circa elementary school

Lincoln, Lincoln

admin — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 17:00:20 +0000

Lincoln, Lincoln
I’ve been thinkin’
What the heck have you been drinkin’
Looks like water, tastes like wine
oh my gosh its turpintine
-Joe Geraci, Portsmouth, NH

Old McDonald and his other monkey wrench

admin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 19:20:08 +0000

Old McDonald sittin’ on a fence
Pickin’ his dick with a monkey wrench
Wrench got hot
Burnt his balls
Pissed all over his overalls
If I die
Bury me
Hang my balls on a cherry tree
If they fall
Send them back
Send them back to Radio Shack!

Shana
San Mateo, CA circa 1989

Man from Nantucket

admin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:00:44 +0000

there once was a man from nantucket,
his dick was so long he could suck it,
he said with a grin while scratching his chin,
if my ear was a cunt I could fuck it.
-Zach Finch

Man named Jed

admin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:00:21 +0000

Oh let me tell you a story about a man named Jed
Took Mary Ellen and threw her on the bed
Zipped down his pants, out came the worm
Into her cunt went the bubbly sperm

There is more to this one, I think, something about granny showing a two by four or something up Jed’s ass … the punch line is “Sideways, that is…”

-Trent Eades, Great Falls, MT
Circa early to mid 70s I guess

McDonalds

admin — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 17:00:24 +0000

McDonalds is your kind of place
They serve you rattle snakes
Hamburgers up the nose
French fries between the toes
And the last time I was there
They served my underwear
McDonalds is your kind of place

-Trent Eades, These were learned while I was in grade school in Great Falls, Montana:
Circa Around fourth grade, 1972

Pepsi Cola hits the spot

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:00:51 +0000

Pepsi Cola hits the spot
Looks like vinegar
Tastes like snot
Twice as much for a nickel too
That’s what Pepsi does for you.
-Trent Eades, These were learned while I was in grade school in Great Falls, Montana:
Circa Around fourth grade, 1972

Twink! John’s a fairy!

admin — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:00:53 +0000

(sung to the tune of “Pop goes the Weasel”)
Oh, John [or whomever you were insulting] doesn’t go out with girls no more
He thinks he’ll never get married
He stays at home and plays with himself
Twink! John’s a fairy!

-Trent Eades, These were learned while I was in grade school in Great Falls, Montana:
Circa This one I learned in 10th grade, around 1977

On Top Of Old Smoky again

admin — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:00:58 +0000

On top of old Smoky
All covered with sand
I shot my true love
with a red rubber band
I shot her with care
I shot her with pride
Who could have missed her,
She was forty feet wide
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
While the others threw flowers
I through hand grenades.

-Trent Eades, These were learned while I was in grade school in Great Falls, Montana:
Circa third of fourth grade, 1973 or 1974

Burning of the School

admin — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 17:00:13 +0000

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule
Now we’re marching down to hang the principal
Our truth goes marching on

Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I hid behind the door with a loaded 44
And the teacher don’t teach no more.

-Trent Eades, These were learned while I was in grade school in Great Falls, Montana:
Circa fourth or fifth grade, 1973 or 1974