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To the tune of Frere Jaques:

ELECTION 1988
Marijuana, Marijuana,
LSD, LSD,
Betty Crocker makes it
Mike Dukakis takes it
Why don't we?
Why don't we?
M. Whited - Learned in Texas, 1988

REGURGITATE
A cheerleader chant:
Regurgitate!
Regurgitate!
You throw up everything you ate!
You vomit
You vomit
Yaaaaaaaaay vomit!!!!
from my mother who learned it in Texas in the mid-1960s.

COPENHAGEN IS FALLING
Copenhagen is falling, hurrah, hurrah
Copenhagen is falling, hurrah
And all of the people
Went up in the steeple
To spit on the people below

(in German accent): Ahhhh, vimen Ah-men Ahh-tiller, August, September, October No-vunder we are sober We ain't got no beer

My little brother Heinrich Was out the window looking Inward-outward looking He saw a tree there standing He saw a peach there hanging He reached the window out, He fell the window out He lay on the ground His head on a rock Peach-less.

He died, he did, He died a broken rib, he did He died, he did, He died a broken rib, he did

Where are the boys who bowl on the green, Who bowl on the green, Who bowl on the green? Where are the boys who bowl on the green? Boys! Don't bowl on the green, The green is for the king, The king is for the queen, The queen is for the prince. Prince?? What prince? Fingerprints? Footprints? Nooooo, (whistles like one would call a dog) Here, Prince!

The moral of this story is never mistake asthma (Gasping noise) For passion (Ahhhhhhhhh - sighing noise).

from my mother who learned it in Texas in the mid-1960s.

this aint really a kid's rhyme, and it's unattributed by the source I got it from sclerotic-rings.livejournal.com, but this seems kind of appropriate anyhow...

"Mary had a little lamb,
A lobster and some prunes,
A slice of cake, a piece of pie,
And then some macaroons.
It made the naughty waiters grin
To see her order so,
And when they carried Mary out
Her face was white as snow."

The next two are from my Grandparents on my Mom's side...

From "Grampy" Martin:

The fly flew into the grocery store
singing doe-si-doe-si-doe
he flew right through the open door
singing doe-si-doe-si-doe
well he shit on the sugar and he shit on the ham
and he shit all over that grocery man
And then the fly flew out of the grocerey store
singing doe-si-doe-si-doe

Not to be outdone, when my Grandmother heard him singing that song to me, she told me a little rhyme of her own.

From "Granny" Martin:

Mrs. Nichols bought some pickles
on a windy day
but Annie Martin came a fartin'
and blew them all away

Two things about my Grandmother's poem really impressed me (I was like 8 at the time)

• My Grandmother wasn't someone that you would expect to know a dirty rhyme, let alone tell one to a kid, and...
• Her name was Anne, or "Annie" if you will. I always wondered about where that rhyme came from.

peace,
Matt Rosemier from Edible Dirt

My Grandparents were from MA. My Granny had the accent bad ("Annie Mahtin came a fahtin'...")

More from Matt

Oh yeah...a cool trick to play on kids...
Q: What were you eating under there?
A: Huh? Under where?
Q: HAH-HAAAAH! You were eating underwear!!

ok one more...

Tell the kid, "When I say 'I'm a gold lock', you say 'I'm a gold key', and when I say 'I'm a silver lock' you say 'I'm a silver key', and so on. Got it?"

The kid says "Yes".

You: "I'm a gold lock."
Kid: "I'm a gold key."
You: "I'm a silver lock."
Kid: "I'm a silver key."
You: "I'm a brass lock."
Kid: "I'm a brass key."
You: "I'm a mung lock."
Kid: "I'm a monkey."
(can be done with "Dong lock" as well)

Matt Rosemier from Edible Dirt